Where strange fact and stranger fiction collide
As we are if February we should probably finish up the Davies, and I know this is your favorite part of the awards, the lifetime achievements for bad girls and mammer jammers and the part about farm animals.
Lifetime achievement for being a bad girl: Anastasia Cisarovna AKA GI Joe’s Baroness. Unlike most the other Joes and Cobra soldiers, Anastasia did not start out as a toy, she first appeared in 1982, in the comic books, she went form there to the TV show and in 1984, became an action figure. Her tight black cat suit and naughty librarian glasses, set her apart from all her counterparts. I remember first seeing this fem fatale as a 3 ½ action figure in a blister pack hanging form a display hook at the Oxnard California Mervyns back in 1984, and I immediately reconsidered weather or not I was too old for toys?
Though she may be made from a block of plastic, her back story is not shallow. The daughter of European aristocrats, her deep rooted sense of socialism made her a political activist, when her brother a humanitarian is killed by the GI Joe agent Snake Eyes in Vietnam, she turned to full fledged terrorist and sided with Cobra against the capitalistic military industrial complex.
In the comics she has had a long and colorful career as the enemy of freedom, she killed and charmed her way in to Cobra’s second highest position. A long way form, the socialist demonstrator of her youth. I have always thought that her personality and maybe some of her appearance was based on German terrorist Ulrike Meinhof. If so this could possibly shine light on how The Baroness was radicalized as a terrorist.
As a character The Baroness has a difficult type rope to walk. She is a woman in a male-dominated military fraternity. She is also primarily marketed towards children. So, she needs to be both masculine and feminine, as well as sexy but also in a non-provocative way. As a toy this can be left up to the one who plays with it, but in comic books, movies, short stories and novels we must trust the writer to explore her bad girl side in a way that can still be accessible to children. In most cases this is been done with both expertise and empathy. In ways this exemplifies the paradox of a female character, to make her attractive and sexy, but also not exploit her. By making the Baroness intelligent and dedicated she becomes more than just the Cobra floozy.
For all these reasons but especially the naughty librarian glasses and the cat suit, oh yes, we love those naughty librarian glasses, G.I. Joe’s the Baroness received a Davies award for lifetime achievement in being a bad girl.
Lifetime achievement award for being a bad mammer jammer: Ashley J Williams. Before we give the King his much-deserved recognition, let’s explore where the term mammer jammer came from. The term was coined by the producers of blacksploitation movies. Back in the late 60s and early 70s, movies would obtain an X rating for the use of one F-word. The creators of this new and revolutionary movie format, wanted to reflect the gritty vocabulary used in African-American urban settings, But to use the word bMother F***er would instantly earn the film an X rating, limiting the release among white audiences, and their ticket buying money. To get around this they created the term ”Mammer Jammer.” So when it was said that Shaft or Youngblood priest was a cool mammer jammer, hip audiences were well aware of what was being said.
Ash is of course the protagonist of the Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and the Army of Darkness, played with over the top campiness, by Bruce Campbell. It is important to note that while Campbell may include many of his personal quirks and sense of humor of Ash, he is not Bruce. This is made very clear in the movie my name is Bruce. In which a northern California town kidnaps Bruce Campbell to fight a Chinese demigod, mistaking him for the hero he portrays.
Ash is not your stereotypical hero. He is extremely proficient (or maybe just lucky) at fighting the undead, and when forced to, he usually decides to pick what is right, but he is also an egotistical slob who is more concerned about reward and fame and the attention of women, than he is about being a hero. Originally director Sam Rami was going to name him Ash Holt (after a butt). In addition, well Ash is not the shiniest of combat knives in the kitchen drawer. In fact, except for monster fighting and developing hydraulic steam powered bionic hands, he basically bumbles his way through his life. The fact that a such a simpleton could rise to the level of king daedite slayer only endures and more to us.
Not only has Ash appeared in three movies, he has been the main character in several video games and volumes of comic books. The first of these was a three-part retelling of Army of Darkness written by Sam Rami himself. He also had his own ongoing title and has appeared in the Marvel Zombie Universe, Danger Girl, Hack and Slash, Freddie Vs Jason comics as well as with H.P. Lovecraft’s Herbert West the Reanimator.
Mr. Williams has during the last couple of years appeared in the TV show Ash Versus the Evil Dead. In this we see a still self-absorbed man-child who was once again called back to fight great supernatural evil Campbell has gotten better at playing Ash, but the character Ash has not really matured, and we love him even the more for it. When in that moment of desperate combat, he decides the great writ of his loins and take on the mantle of hero in the fight the undead we jump from our seats and applaud grateful that some things never change.
The best goat: Those of you who are frequent visitors to DcotU, will realize that I’m somewhat biased when it comes to my personal goat Claes. But it’s not just me who thinks that she is super nifty, no, oh no, it has been proven by science!
So there’s this thing. It kind of like rates goats from negative infinity to positive infinity the higher the number the more awesome a goat is. I would try to explain it to you, but I can’t, it’s full of all these arbitrary weird arcane and academic possibilities that prevents a mundane human mind from understanding it. Even my sister who is president of the Northern Oregon Goat Association, and has a bachelor’s degree in biology can’t figure out where they get these numbers from. As a demonstration are heard Queen Hit Gurl, who is a magnificent example of Nubian perfection, scored only a -187.
But this year Claes was the first goat of GetFooLA Farms to score a positive number. She obtained a solid +1. Now the numbskull brainiacs over in goat world took away her positive number. But that’s okay she still deserves it. As an example of some of the arbitrariness of this point system, most of the herd will get a significant increase in points when Claes’ father Jesse James, has a sixth daughter on milk test.
In addition to being the first goat with a positive number in the high goat mucky muck goat point scheme, Claes scored an incredible 90 on her linear appraisal. What this is, is basically a goat beauty contest. This is the percentage of how much a goat looks like the ideal version of a specific goat of that breed. Cleas and her heard mate Bea, scored a 90. The first GetFooLA goats to do so. Now we here at DCoTU feel that linear appraisal, is just the human way of creating arbitrary conditions on what is the ideal goat morphology. We feel that all goats are beautiful in their own way. Still we are proud that Claes, scored in A, on that test.
In addition to that test, Claes has set records on milk test for not only the amount of milk produced by a GetFooLA heard member but also with the highest milk fat ratio.so once again science has proven what we do all along, Cleas is the best!
The best new goat: Doctor Aphra. Yes being the daughter of Claes, Aphra had a distinct advantage in this category, but dang it, she is an awesome little goat. Her behavior and energy level are much like her mother’s, when she was that age. An energetic little girl who loves to frolic in the pastor, and just like her mom she is super smart.
She also has the advantage of being named after one of my favorite Marvel comic Star Wars characters, Dr. Aphra. The good doctor is a mercenary archaeologist who has done dirty deeds, then for Darth Vader himself. Somehow despite all her well laid plans, she ends up being a hero.
The thing that really got little Aphra this award in 2017, was her markings, a light beige beauty she literally has the letter a on her side. Although when goats are young there for will change in color and design, so no one noticed her trademark letter, until she was four months old. So it is pure coincident that she got a name that has the letter A at the beginning. To me that is assigned, that the force is strong with this one.
In memoriam: Red Sky. It’s never easy to lose a beloved animal, and who Red Sky was and the tragic facts of her demise made it just so much harder a tale to tell. In fact, I stopped writing about kidding season last year after we lost Red Sky. I tried several times to tell what happened, I just couldn’t. It’s been over six months, so I can now sort of put to paper some of our feelings.
Red Sky was born with the first batch of goats to be born at GetFooLA Farms. She also had a problem with her I that we had to keep rolling her eyelid out to prevent her from being blind. My mother immediately took to this little baby goat and named her. Through hard work and a lot of love we were able to keep her alive despite her small size for the first year.
Like her sisters and her cousins, she went on to have kids, and become a milker this year she had four baby goats. Almost from the first night I could see the effects that it had on her body. We have had other goats give birth to four babies at one time, but that is quite a bit, and it took so much energy out of Red Sky, that she had nothing left for herself. she given everything she could to the new generation of baby goats and passed away four days after giving birth.
As horrible as it may sound, in the long game played by goat evolution, four healthy babies has a better chance of perpetuating the species, than one mother, it is both extremely beautiful and sad, that she gave her life for her young ones, and as those goats grow older, and live on the farm, I do not doubt that red sky spirit will live among them.
The best, Non-GetFooLA, Farm Animal. Odin, the Dog. The terrible fires California was a disaster. Thousands of people were forced to evacuate. Including Roland Handle the owner of 8 rescue goats. He was forced to make the terrible decision to leave them behind. Odin his Pyreness livestock guardian dog, refused to leave his charges. As the family tried to get him to the car, he gave them this look, like I will not leave any goat behind. They were forced eyes full of tears to leave him with his charges.
When they returned their home was completely burned, but some how Odin and all eight goats survived! Who knows what they did to survive but I am sure it is worthy of a Disney movie. Odin, all the goat farmers in America salute you.