Where strange fact and stranger fiction collide
I don’t usually do fan fiction
In David’s corner of the universe.
The only reason I am including this
One is for sentimental reason. I
Wrote this for my daughter Emma
For Christmas when she was 13 years
Emily the Strange is copy written
By Rob Reger and is used here
In a noncommercial way for a father
To show his love to his daughter.
An Emily the Strange Story
By David Heath
Especially for Emma Heath
All around me is the world’s best music. Old school punk rock, played perfectly by me of course. The music is booming out of my red and white guitar. My audience is my cats, The Bad Kitty Club. Sometimes I think that only cat ears can truly appreciate music this good.
My perfect guitar licks are interrupted by another sound. It is My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade. This is the ring tone for my home girl Emma. I put down guitar and grabbed my phone. I hoped on the couch and let gravity pull my hair down over the side of the couch. “Talk to me girl friend.” I say into the phone.
Of on the corner Sabbath, on of my kitties scratched the bandage on his ear. “Dude, whose calling you?” He asked. He doesn’t speak English of course, luckily I speak the ancient language of cats.
Mystery, the leader of The Bad Kitties, tsk tsked the younger kitten, “Don’t you ever pay attention, it is Lady Emma’s ring tone.”
Sabbath just shrugged and licked his crooked tail. “Dude, I am to busy having adventures to pay attention to the small stuff.”
“Hey Emily it is me Emma.” She says over the phone. Emma is like me thirteen, but unlike most girls our age, we like science, making art and punk rock music.
“What be the haps?” I ask her.
“Have you seen the website about the new mummy exhibit in the Museum of Natural History?” She asked.
“I heard about that” I say getting up to my computer and turning it on. “I have a year pass there.”
Miles, who is my most creative kitty, with his cat hearing can hear the other side of the conversation says. “Natural history museums are cool but I like art museums the best.”
‘What am I looking for?” I ask.
“Check out the photo, of them setting up the exhibit.” Emma tells me.
I look over the pictures looking for anything unusual. Then I see it. “Hey in the background, by the sarcophagus there is a mysterious green light.” It is faint if you didn’t know what to look for you might think it is part of the exhibit.
Sabbath jumps up on the table and begins to rub up against my monitor. “A green light? It stinks being color blind.”
“Let Lady Emily do what she need to do.” Mystery Scolded the other cat.
“That green light is evidence of the presence of evil undead.” Emma comes from a long family of undead hunters and is an expert in Egyptology, if she says something is a sign of evil flesh eating monster mummies, I believe her.
“Are you going to check it out?” I ask.
“Well that is the thing.” Emma explains. “I am going to Idaho. There is an anti-undead mission I got to do.”
“Vampires?” I ask.
“No, zombies.” Emma replied. “Shouldn’t take long, the thing is I have to do it now before it becomes worst. I just found this on the internet when I was packing my machetes.”
“No problem, Emmers. I got this one you take care of the brain eating plague in the Rockies and I will take care of the menace in the museum.”
“Cool, thanks.” Emma said over the phone.
“Hmm, an operation.” Purred Nee Chee, the finial member of the Bad Kitty Club. “We will need more tactical information on our opponent.”
“Nee Chee said we need more information on mummies.” I tell Emma.
“Hi, Bad Kitties.” Emma said.
All my cat’s meow their hellos to Emma, as I got a paper and pencil to take down some notes.
After getting the low down from my home-girl, on mummies, I head out and hop on my skateboard and rocket over to the museum. Good thing it is downhill all the way. The Bad Kitty Club follows behind me. A lot of drivers give us strange looks as we head to the museum. Seems they are not used to seeing a girl with a guitar on her back on a long board followed by four black cats.
My original idea was when we got to the museum, was to stuff all four cats in to my backpack. I have to admit all four squeezed into my backpack sounds kind of funny to me. But Nee Chee comes up with the idea that he will pick the lock on the door at the back of the museum and let all the other cats in. With his long claws Nee Chee is a world class lock picker. All the cats like his idea more than mine, especially Sabbath who really likes his personal space.
I go up to the front door and show the guard my year round pass. He looks at me suspiciously. He seems to be wondering why I have my back pack and guitar on my back. “So what beings you to the museum little girl?”
When adults treat me like that I get so mad. But if get sassy with him, he may not let me in. I want to say, “I am here to banish a four thousand year old evil that you idiots let lose on the modern world, because you are too stupid to recognize horribly deformed monster in your own museum.” But instead I say, “I am here to see your new mummy exhibit.”
“Why are you brining your guitar with you?” The guard asked.
“My parents are picking me up after music practice, they won’t be here for an hour or so, and I decided to check out the new exhibit.” I tell the guard.
It is a good thing that The Bad Kitty Club went around back because the guard checks my back pack, but all he finds is some snacks and bottled water. Finally he lets me in.
I head out to the mummy exhibit in the west wing. I have to admit it is a pretty good exhibit, lots of details and artifacts.
This guy in a suit comes over to me and asks, in a condescending voice “Are you learning all about the Pharaoh Imotehp?”
“First.” I reply. “Imotehp wasn’t a pharaoh, he was the architect who built the great pyramid, and according to my friend, he was probably a dark wizard, who tried to take over the throne, and was mummified alive as a punishment for his rebellion. Second, I am learning, which I love to do, and I can do it all by myself, and I don’t need some snotty adult to tell me how to learn new things.” I don’t have to be nice to this guy like I did the guard to get in here.
The man is all flustered, and walks away red faced. I read more of the signs on the exhibit and a bit latter hear some one calling out to me in the ancient language of the cats. It is Miles, my little strategist. He says they found a place for me to hide.
It is a good hiding place. The museum made a paper mache Sarcophagus, and it is standing up, it is smaller than a normal sarcophagus just my height. Nee Chee pocked out the eyes, with his claws, so I can hide there and still watch most of the exhibit, me and most of my cats hide in the sarcophagus, all but Sabbath, he likes to be off on his own so he hides behind some canopic jars.
So I stay in the museum for hours after it closes. All I have for dinner is my snacks and bottled water. I give some of my beef jerky to my cats. Miles and Nee Chee are bickering about something. Mystery makes them both be quite.
Around midnight the room is bathed in eerie green light. From the corner emerges a grotesque figure covered in bandages. It is him Imotehp!
I jump from my hiding place and command him to stop.
“I am the ruler of this world.” He calls out in a scary voice.
“Good you speak English.” I tell him not backing down.
“I have studied your language, so I may more efficiently rule the miserable little people of this time.” He growls.
“Yeah whatever.“ I reply. “Anyways if you don’t leave this plane of existence right away I will be forced to banish you from this realm.”
“I am the great Imotehp.” He roars “I am not afraid of anything. Especially not a little girl like you.”
“Really.” I tell him. “According to my friend Emma, Mummies are afraid of cats because they are the special messengers of the Goddess Bast. Bad Kitties go!” I command.
All four of my cats jump out and form a square around Imotehp. He tries to walk pass them but can’t. He howls in frustration. “Sooner or latter your cats will have to move then I will find you and devourer your soul.”
“Man you got anger issues.” I rebuke him, taking the guitar off my back. “My friend also told me that mummies have two weaknesses, fire and certain musical cords. Since I don’t really want to burn the museum down…” I start playing my guitar. Fortunately those special cords are now found in most modern punk rock music. A glowing green vortex opens behind Imotehp and sucks him out in to the void.
“Good job Lady Emily.” Mystery purrs.
‘Yeah Dude, you really rocked his world.” Sabbath jokes.
“Well looks like our job is done hear, lets take off. I don’t know about you but I am tired from saving the world.” I tell the Bad Kitty Club, as we start to head home.